Compel Don’t Sell and The Risky Business of Bad Bossing

Listen in to ESPN Host Buddy Greene, your financial lender, as he has a conversation with Speaker and Television Host Shirlene Reeves and Speaker and Author Dr. Debra Dupree as they talk about travel,  Shirlene’s “Compel Don’t Sell” program, and Debra’s “Avoid the Risky Business of Bad Bossing” training and coaching services for more information on maximizing your earning potential by maximizing your emotional potential.

A great day with Buddy Greene, Shirlene Reeves & Debra Dupree

A great day with Buddy Greene, Shirlene Reeves & Debra Dupree

 

 

 

espn-radio

ESPN with Buddy Greene 8-31-16

E.Q. vs. I.Q. Six ways to build psychological safety

Feeling unsafe is an uncomfortable feeling.  In fact, it’s a risky business to be in.  It’s a direct threat to a sense of survival, automatically triggering a fight, flight or freeze response. This response is biologically innate and a characteristic of all animals.  Bad bossing makes us feel unsafe.

Feeling unsafe triggers us emotionally. A whole chain of reactions happens physiologically, generating hormones and neurotransmitters that throw off our sense of cognitive and emotional balance…our sense of safety and security. So how can we create a sense of psychological safety…for ourselves and others…and why does it even matter? Why do we need to be fully aware of the perils of bad bossing?  The answer lies in harnessing our physical and emotional reactions by building skills in emotional intelligence…when our emotional intelligence (E.Q.) trumps our intelligence quotient (I.Q.) and we learn how to “manage up.”

On June 15, 2016, 25 representatives from San Diego Association of Law Libraries (SANDALL) gathered at California Western School of Law (CWSL) to learn just how to do this.

Here’s what they gained over a fun-filled two and a half hours…

1) The Power of Connections: To generate awareness around what they’re good at and not so good at when it comes to managing emotions, how they’re impacted by others emotions, and what kinds of emotions come up, participants engaged in groups of three to start talking about the impact of bad bossing.  The atmosphere of the lecture hall changed in just 9 minutes!

2) The Tip of the Iceberg: We only see the tip of the iceberg above the water line, right? But there’s so much more below the water line that we can’t see…just like the titanic. When it comes to people, I.Q. and E.Q. are much like the iceberg. The tip is our I.Q. (only 20% of who we are). What’s below the water line is where our E.Q. lives…that deeper part of ourselves represented by our beliefs, expectations, assumptions or attitudes, concerns and hopes as well as our fears, values and needs. We often don’t go there because we either don’t have the skills to successfully handle those kinds of conversations OR we are simply afraid to go there, fearful of what we might uncover. Bad bosses definitely don’t go there.  But through E.Q. we can build our awareness of self, learn how to manage what surfaces, become aware of how others are impacted, and then become skilled in how we manage our important relationships.  Including those where we have to “manage up” to feel safe.

3) The TRIUNE Brain Theory: SANDALL also got a taste of Neuroscience 101 – just enough to show how ALL humans are hardwired for emotional reaction BEFORE cognitive understanding or making sense of things. They also learned my prescription for deep breathing as a sure fire technique for self-management. We all breathe, right? But seldom do we breathe really deeply in a way that helps manage the emotional reaction, especially when we’re triggered.  This can be your best defense when dealing with a bad boss.

4) The Emotional Hijack: It feels like we’re hijacked from all logical, rationale responses when we’re triggered. The emotional volcano erupts and we become overwhelmed with emotion.  FEAR, ANGER, SHAME or JOY…too often, it’s not the latter! The intensity of this hijack is directly related, and sometimes not, to the significance of the trigger. Are we puzzled or are we terrified? Are we disappointed or are we in deep despair? Are we feeling disrespected or are we furious? And, are we feeling friendly or are we ecstatic? The SANDALL folks had a chance to be exposed to some 90 different emotions to uncover those most common in their lives.  A laundry list of what we feel around bad bosses was almost as long.

5) Two Minutes of Passion: This was fun…in just two short minutes, people had a chance to uncover their passions and express themselves. This was hard for some and a breeze for others. People couldn’t believe how difficult it was to either speak for two minutes uninterrupted and to listen for two minutes without interrupting. This was a good opportunity to learn more about how we speak and how we listen (or not!). They also learned how to read body language, particularly facial expressions, and to listen for tone, volume and inflection.  This is a part of empathy and they learned how to use it with a bad boss.

6) Action Plan: As we wrapped up our two hours of fun and learning, I challenged them to identify one key takeaway as well as to write down what they were going to STOP doing as a result of what they learned, what they were going to START doing based on what they learned, and what they were going to CONTINUE to do because it was working.  Ideas were generated on what first steps to take around their bad bosses.

At the end of the day, here’s what SANDALL participants had to say…

  • Dr. Dupree has a wonderful delivery, great presence and knows how to generate an open, enthusiastic environment. The information and delivery were fantastic.  J. Andrade, California Western School of Law.
  • This was a very informative and intriguing workshop. It was also a lot of fun!  K. Thomas, California Western School of Law.
  • Dr. Dupree was both knowledgeable and an engaging speaker.  Her class interactive exercises were fun and interesting.  C. Valero, California Western School of Law

If you’re looking for ways to break free from an emotional past, here are three ways to do it now!  Debra Dupree, PsyD, LMFT has over 30 years of experience in the psychology of people and performance.

1) Connect through her website, her newsletter, and her webinars. 

2) Contact her to schedule her 5:1:10 training and coaching program for managers and leaders

3) Get involved in her “3 for 1” coaching program. 

The Risky Business of Bad Bossing

Psychologist and founder of Relationships at Work, Inc,  Dr. Debra Dupree, is here to uncover the impact of bad bossing and what can be done about it.

 The Risky Business of Bad Bossing

  • What is bad bossing all about?
  • What should someone do when confronted with a bad boss?
  • How does one change a bad boss?
  • What are the three things they most need to know that can change their lives?

To learn more about Dr. Debra Dupree and her coaching services, please visit www.relationships-at-work.com

This podcast is presented by Annie Jennings of the National PR Firm, Annie Jennings PR located in the NYC area. Annie Jennings PR is a book marketing and book promotion firm helping authors achieve their highest levels of success in their area of expertise. Working with our PR firm can help authors get booked on major radio talk shows, TV shows, in online media and in print media. Annie’s top level radio campaign offers authors bookings on the biggest talk shows that broadcast to the top cities in the USA. The radio talk show campaigns comes with unlimited media training, professional publicists with mega experience and the famous guarantee of performance.

Please visit Jenningswire.com and discover the blogger just right for you.

If you are using a mobile device, please click here

Stop Running from Conflict and Learn How to Address It!

MANAGER MOJO PODCAST with Steve Caldwell
Click here to listen to Podcast:  Running from Conflict by Dr. Debra Dupree.

When a diverse group of people work together daily, it is no surprise that conflict can arise. Trying to downplay the importance and viewing the reason for the conflict as ‘petty’ is never a good alternative to creating a productive and positive workplace. We each have our opinions and points of view. It is when we consider ours right and the others wrong (or ‘crazy, stupid or unimportant’) that conflict can occur, fester and create significant issues. Dr. Debra Dupree is an acknowledged mediator in the area of conflict and has successfully intervened and brought resolution to situations that were growing out of control and impossible. Every manager and leader must be willing to address issues of conflict head-on and seek amenable resolutions. Dr. Dupree can get you on that road.

Ten things that you might be doing that’s giving you a “Bad Boss” reputation…and 7 ways to turn it around!

When we’re under pressure and things get tense, emotions run high.  We all experience it.  And, unless we’ve done some personal work, it literally becomes physiologically challenging, nearly impossible,  to manage our emotional response. Quite frankly, few of us know what to do and how to manage those fierce emotional reactions that drive us to say and do things that we later regret.  Unfortunately, the impact on others can be devastating.

In today’s world, managing ourselves appropriately seems like a no-brainer.  Right?  However, some simple behaviors actually lead to a “bad bossing” reputation and we’re not even aware of it.  Take a look at these top 10 traits that get in the way of being more successful as identified by the top ten coaches from FORBES Coaches Council…

  1. Inability to listen (what I think is more important that what you are saying).
  2. Close-mindedness (my way or the highway…there can’t be a better way…I am right).
  3. Tendency to control (or another way of saying it…micromanagement)
  4. Perfectionism (never enough, always a better way of doing it…leading to unrealistic expectations)
  5. Selfishness (my needs are greater than your needs…self-centered)
  6. Emotionally reactive (inability to manage one’s reactions to internal and external triggers)
  7. Inconsistency (this means unpredictability which means instability and therefore loss of credibility)
  8. Subjectivity (second-guessing,  lacking a factual basis or foundation to what’s going on, acting on intuition)
  9. Stubbornness (being positional…insistent that you’re way is the only way…see #2)
  10. Presumptiousness (making assumptions and we know what “assume” means, right?)

Becoming aware of the impact we have on others is a critical step in developing our emotional intelligence (EI).  As the saying goes…your IQ is what gets you hired but it’s your EQ that gets you higher!  What next steps can you take to improve your EQ as well as maximize your leadership potential?  Followers will follow their leaders when they feel valued and made to feel the center of the organization…that their perspective and input is important to making important decisions (Warren Benis).  True leadership is earned, and it is earned by having a positive impact – a lasting, influential impact on those around you.  Leaders who succeed, not fail, in influencing their followers embrace the following key characteristics:

  1. Lead with character
  2. Cultivate strong relationships
  3. Steer with competence
  4. Trust others’ intuition
  5. Focus on others’ experience
  6. Take pride in others’ potential
  7. Inspire to motivate

So, how do you achieve this?  Sounds simple but not always easy to translate into action…action that means and makes a difference.

This is where  training and coaching come into play.  Take action now!  Letting problem behavior continue will only cost you and your organization more dollars, lost employees, and reduced morale for those who stay behind.

Keep in mind, great leaders are capable of embracing these seven steps to truly affect people positively in ways to positively influence…not negatively derail people from their personal best.

NOTE:  This writing has evolved from Dr. Debra Dupree’s 2014 doctoral dissertation on “The Psychology of Good Bosses vs. Bad Bosses” leading to the development of her proprietary program on “Breakthroughs to Unbelievable Leadership” which is a training and coaching model available to organizations over a 10-week timeline.

The Real Cost of Workplace Conflict: What Employers Need to Know!

Gallup’s 2008 study entitled “State of the American Workplace” and another by the Consulting Psychologist Press on “Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It To Thrive” revealed some startling facts that caused American businesses to stand up and take notice.   Here are the top five reasons for workplace conflict…

  1. personality clashes – 49%
  2. stress – 34%
  3. workload – 33%
  4. poor leadership – 29%
  5. lack of honesty – 26%

    And, here are a few more alarming stats:

  • 25 percent of employees said that avoiding conflict led to sickness or absence from work.
  • Nearly 10 percent reported that workplace conflict led to project failure.
  • More than one-third said that conflict resulted in someone leaving the company, either through firing or quitting.
  • Replacing an employee costs 150 to 200 percent more than that employee’s salary and benefits. Losing even a mid-level employee making $30,000 a year could cost your company $70,000 or more to replace.

    Oftentimes, conflicts between people are less overt, such as subtle forms of harassment or bullying. “Subtle harassment and bullying is a systems problem often supported unknowingly by management” which is in direct conflict with California laws AB 1825 and AB 2053!

So, what can be done about it?

  • Hire SMART to avoid conflict. Ask good questions to identify the “one person who causes conflict” BEFORE hiring.
  • Take a look at your organization’s culture. How might it actually encourage conflict by how it’s set up and who is leading. This is the first step towards fixing it.
  • Change is possible if senior leadership is absolutely committed to making changes.
  • Real conversations about the desired cultural norms are a MUST and steps implemented on how to embrace people’s differences.

These types of conversations take time, energy and effort–but compared to the real costs of workplace conflict, finding healthy resolutions is a both-gain situation for everyone.

Consulting Psychology Press, Inc. (2008) found that U.S. employees spend 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict. While this amount of time might not seem like much, the cost of this lost time is staggering!  Based on an average hourly wage of $17.95, this amounts to $359 billion in paid hours, or the equivalent of 385 million working days, across the nation.  Simply speaking, this is $50.96 per week per employee, or $2,613.20 per year.  Again, this may not sound like much but if you have ten employees in your organization embroiled in conflict, this is costing you $26,132.00 per year. And, if left untouched, this increases to $130,676 over a five year period.  I don’t know about you but $100K+ is a lot of money to lose in an organization with nothing productive to show for it.

You might say, 2.8 hours…so what?  Well, this is time not spent doing the job employees were hired to do.  Instead, it is time gossiping, protecting turf, retaliating, getting people to take sides, planning defenses, navigating around the drama and taking up time from management.   Talk about a management nightmare!  Is this how you want to live your work life?

So, what can employers do?  Time and time again, five key factors emerge:

  • We can no longer afford to ignore personality clashes…it is just too costly.  A  quick workplace climate study is the best place to start.
  • Work on building a workplace culture where each and every employee, at EVERY level, is held accountable for addressing conflict at the earliest level possible. This means teaching them effective communication and conflict management skills.
  • Look at differences in communication and conflict management styles, particularly at the leadership levels. Teach people to deal with generational and cultural differences, values and approaches to communication. Educate people around gender differences (yes, men and women DO communicate differently).
  • Hire the right managers! Too often, people get promoted based on technical skills or rewards in their career path, not for their people management skills.  These types of managers unintentionally become our “bad bosses”  who erode morale, create legal risks, and cause good employees to leave good organizations.
  • Invest in leadership management for developing effective people management skills.  AND, hold managers accountable for a motivated and efficient workforce is the best way for making miserable employees not so miserable. Transform bad bosses into good bosses by equipping them with the skills to lead employees in ways that increase retention, revenues and rewards for the company.  Developing action plans that involve training, coaching and follow-up ensures that managers achieve this while turning around profitability.

About the author:  This article was first published in April 2014 at www.relationships-at-work.com  by Dr. Debra Dupree, Workplace Psychologist and Mediator.  Dr. Deb’s 2014 doctoral dissertation addressed the Psychology of Good Bosses vs. Bad Bosses, what leads to bad bossing, the impact on employees, and what can be done about it.  As this article suggests, the disruption of workplace conflict is significant and the potential to give rise to harassment in the workplace and abusive conduct is real.  We revisit this issue as we are in a year of compliance for manager and supervisor training required by two California laws, AB 1825 (2004) and AB 2053 (2014), for employers with 50 or more employees.  Take action now and contact Dr. Dupree at 1-800-743-1973 or dr.dupree@relationships-at-work.com to be in compliance and stop bad behavior from ruining your organization!

Avoiding a Bad Boss Reputation and turning into an Unbelievable Leader

Becoming a STAR in Leadership – a September presentation to STAR San Diego Members at the University Club, La Jolla Sheraton, and The Crossings in Carlsbad.  Click here to learn more…

People are people whether at work or at home and relationships ARE work.  They’re like a garden…needing preparation, maintenance, nurturing and and space to grow.  My passion goes all the way back to my childhood growing up in a family that didn’t do well with conflict.  I’ve spent my entire career working with people in relationships but got curious about how good people end up as bad bosses.  So I went back to school to learn more…and started looking for trouble!

Gallup took an in-depth look at the “State of the Workplace”  and found that employee disengagement costs American businesses $359 billion across the nation!

  • Do you know that nearly half of all conflicts at work are directly related to personality clashes…
  • Three out of ten of those conflicts comes from bad bossing.
  • Good people leave bad bossing, not good organizations!

As I look across the room, I see a wealth of experience, wisdom and leadership…so let’s think back to a time in our careers where we were dealing with a bad boss and the impact it had on us.   With a show of hands, how many of you have worked for a BIG BAD BOSS?

Now, let me ask you this…who is or has been a bad boss at some point in their lives?

What are some words to describe Good Bosses?   When you think of Bad Bosses, what words come up?  …quite a difference, right?  Who want to be identified with these kinds of negative words? But do others perceive us this way and we don’t even know it.  Do you really know the impact of your leadership style?

Think about the kinds of conflicts you’ve experienced…firsthand or among your clients.

  • What’s really at the heart of those conflicts?
  • It’s really about understanding how we come across to others…how we impact…and how we can provoke an emotional reaction.
  • It takes courage and curiosity to really understand the emotional intelligence of how we engage.
  • It’s the power of connections that pulls people and projects together.

I GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE and here’s how I do it.

1)         Heineken contacted me in 2013…they were at their wits end after a year of trying to resolve a conflict internally between two top account managers.  The conflict had grown so difficult that it was impacting one of their big accounts.  One or both of the employees was going to have to go if things didn’t change. In just 3 months through coaching and preparing for mediation, we were able to unravel a year of hostility.

2)         Last year, a trusted colleague called upon me to help one of his longtime friends and progenitor of a family-owned business.  Revenues were down after the recession, power struggles had broken out, financial choke-holds put in place, and family members and employees were not talking.  By helping Mom and Dad look at their own behavior, they were able to recognize the impact they had on the family dynamics and we were able to come up with options for restructuring the organization in ways that better met the family members’ needs.

3)         A couple of years ago, I worked with a 3rd generation family-owned business.  Dad hit 60 and wanted to bring in his stepson and 2 daughters, all in their very early 20’s, into the family business.  Great idea but riddled with family dynamics.  Mom found me out of frustration with the intense sibling rivalry being carried out in the workplace…Dad felt immobilized to do  much about it.  Within five months, we were able to define roles and responsibilities, establish boundaries between appropriate workplace behavior and unhealthy family dynamics, establish Dad’s leadership in the business as well as mediate through some of their differences.

Who has experienced something situations like these?  Let’s see a show of hands.  These conversations DO take time, energy and effort–but compared to the real costs of sticky situations, it’s a small investment. That’s what we can do together…we can be on the watch, looking for trouble that gets in the way of profitable relationships and begin to turn things around.

Oh!…remember your phone leaning on the stand in front of you…this is my gift to you…when things get messy…Call me to take the next step in developing UNBELIEVABLE LEADERSHIP in all that you do!  With a little help bad bosses can be great leaders.

Crushing Conflicts to Boost Your Bottomline

Check Out Business Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Women Lead Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Relationships are at the core of everything we do. And when conflict arises in the workplace it can have a toll, not only on our emotional capacity, but also the bottomline results of the business. Studies show that conflict effects productivity, synergy, culture, and turnover. As the leader of a team, how do you avoid this? And how do you effectively manage conflict when you see it growing in your environment before it becomes detrimental? Listen in and learn from an expert in the field!

Join us for Women Leading the Way Radio as we interview Debra Dupree, PsyD Founder of Relationships-At-Work Consulting. With over 20 years of experience in leadership development, corporate training, and a doctorate degree in psychology she delivers lessons on the school of hard knocks and how to turn employees into great leaders. Debra will share with us her experience, techniques, and philosophy on how to implement and maximize business based strategies that will give new life to your business.

Unbelievable Leadership: Keys to Avoiding a Bad Boss Reputation

People are people whether at work or at home. And, their relationships ARE work.  They’re like a garden…needing preparation, maintenance, nurturing and space to grow.  So what goes wrong when people have differences that get in the way of getting along?

My passion for understanding people goes back to my child hood growing up in a family that didn’t do well with conflict.  I’ve spent my entire career working with people in relationships but got curious about how good people end up as bad bosses.  So I went back to school to learn more…and started looking for leaders in trouble!  Now, my goal is to bring peace to leaders in conflict!

Gallup (2008) took an in-depth look at the “State of the Workplace” and what they found was startling!

  • Do you know that nearly half of all conflicts at work are directly related to personality clashes?
  • Three out of ten of those conflicts come from bad bossing.
  • More than half of all employees, at any level, really don’t care about their jobs, much less the organization they work for.
  • This means they are disengaged from what’s really going on!

Why does this matter?  GALLUP estimates that this costs American businesses $359 billion across the nation!

·         When employees are unhappy, they leave.  Do you know that replacing an employee costs 150 to 200 percent of that person’s salary and benefits?  Losing even a mid-level employee making $30,000 a year could cost your company $45-60K or more to replace.  Good people leave good organizations because of bad bossing!

 ·         Yet, keeping a dysfunctional relationship at work can be even more costly…leading to lost productivity, sabotage, poor quality, and lawsuits for hostile workplace environments and many more!

So, think about the kinds of conflicts you’ve experienced in your life…what’s really at the heart of those conflicts?  It’s oftentimes about differences in perception.  It’s about understanding how we come across to others…how we impact others…and how our own behavior can provoke an emotional reaction in others.

It takes courage and curiosity to really understand the emotional intelligence of how we engage.  It’s the power of connections that pulls people and projects together. The quality of relationships…feeling trusted and appreciated… is what deepens the connection and motivates us to perform.  That’s what Unbelievable Leadership™ is all about!

Here are some examples of how things can be turned around:

1)      Heineken contacted me in 2013…they were at their wits end after a year of trying to resolve a conflict internally between two top account managers.  The conflict had grown so difficult that it was impacting one of their big accounts.  One or both of the employees was going to have to go if things didn’t change. In just 3 months through coaching and preparing for mediation, we were able to unravel a year of hostility.

2)      Last year, a trusted colleague called upon me to help one of his longtime friends and progenitor of a family-owned business.  Revenues were down after the recession, power struggles had broken out, financial choke-holds put in place, and family members and employees were not talking.  By helping Mom and Dad look at their own behavior, they were able to recognize the impact they had on the family dynamics and we were able to come up with options for restructuring the organization in ways that better met the family members’ needs.

3)      A couple of years ago, I worked with a 3rd generation family-owned business.  Dad hit 60 and wanted to bring in his three adult children, all in their very early 20’s, into the family business.  Great idea but riddled with family conflict.  Mom found me out of frustration with the intense sibling rivalry being carried out in the workplace…Dad felt immobilized to do much about it.  Within five months, we were able to define roles and responsibilities, establish boundaries between appropriate workplace behavior and unhealthy family dynamics, establish Dad’s leadership in the business as well as mediate through some of their differences.

These conversations take time, energy and effort.  Compared to the real costs of sticky situations, it’s a small investment. When there’s trouble that gets in the way of profits and good working relationships, there are strategies for turning things around.  The keys to Unbelievable Leadership™ start with courage and curiosity, self-examination of one’s leadership style, looking at how one presents and impacts others, building emotional intelligence, expanding awareness around cultural/gender/generational differences, and developing skills to navigate through conflict.

When this happens, we’re on the way to an engaged workforce with unbelievable results!

Connected Women of Influence

radio show

Women Leading the Way radio show is dedicated to showcasing successful women CEO’s, executives, authors, owners, professionals and companies who support professional women on a variety of business-related topics.

Women Leading the Way is a radio show focused on HOW women lead in business and the workplace. Learn how they became leaders. Find out what drives them to succeed and lead. Learn how today’s female leaders stay ahead of the curve and drive change and innovation!

The show airs live every Friday at 2pm Pacific Time and every Monday at 9am Pacific Time with guest hosts. The recorded shows can be found at: http://connectedwomenofinfluence.com/category/online-radio/