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Positive Persuasion and Overcoming Fear…Making the Sale

What we see and hear activates the backs of our brains before it gets to the top of our brains where it makes sense. -Dr. Debra Dupree

Takeaways + Tactics

The more emotional intelligence you have, the higher and faster your career/business rises.

To be a more effective listener, remember the sounds of the BEACH: beliefs, expectations, assumptions/attitudes, concerns/challenges and hopes.

Before you take an action ask yourself how you want to feel on the other side of the decision.

If you don’t feel like you’re the expert be the student that shares.

At the start of the show, Debra shared her insights on the difference between coaching and consulting, and how to identify a person’s communication style through DISC profiles. Next we shared on the importance of overall emotional intelligence and how it connects to self-awareness and relationship management. She also shared on the different parts of the brain, how fear limits our cognitive function and the process for overcoming your own fears. We talked about methods to be a better listener, and how people can use audio and video to improve their communication.

Dr. Dupree also gave insight on;

  • The body language identifiers that tell you about a DISC profile
  • How mantras help shift your brainwaves
  • How to be powerfully persuasive and influential
  • The connection between listening and silence

Key Quotes

We can shift how we feel both mentally and physiologically, by shifting the direction of our thoughts. -Dr. Debra Dupree

Even if you know your stuff, unless you really practice how to apply it, it doesn’t really settle in emotionally. -Dr. Debra Dupree

When it comes to positive persuasion and even overcoming your own fear, awareness is half the battle. Once you know your physiological and emotional signs of fear, you can use reflection to identify the source of the feeling, and realize it’s just a sensation. This takes emotional intelligence. Awareness also serves you well in tailoring your communication to a specific person. The key is listening, looking at body language and knowing if the prospect is focused on the what, who, how or why. Remember to listen for the sounds of the BEACH, and also explore their fears, values and needs.

Listen to audio via ITunes

Guest Bio

Debra has for years been fascinated with makes people tick, at work and at home. She became a therapist, a mediator, a professor and doctor of psychology. She is now a public speaker and author. To reach out to Debra and get her coaching materials go to http://relationships-at-work.com/ or follow her on Twitter @RTMCoach.

Click here to download your free PDF, Greg’s Favorite Scripts, featuring scripts for buyer and seller lead follow up, price reduction and objection handler scripts and much more.

Managing Generational Differences with Regina Bernal

Hi, I’m Dr. Debra Dupree, host for the monthly Discovery Show where we uncover the many challenges of today’s work world.

I was excited to have Regina Bernal from USD’s Entrepreneurship programs where I have been honored to participate as a mentor to up and coming entrepreneurs. Regina is not only a millennial herself but knows firsthand the challenges of being a female leader as well as managing up, down and all around…working with those older and younger from a position of leadership.  We talked about how Millennials serve as valuable Subject Matter Mentors, particularly in the area of technology in our day-to-day worlds.  It’s a reframe on how we can learn from mentors at any age!

Our featured guest this past Friday was Regina Bernal, a Millennial with accomplishments and awards beyond her years, Regina leads and enhances major Entrepreneurship opportunities at USD including the V2 Pitch Competition, the Legacy Entrepreneurship Conference, and the coaching and mentoring program for student entrepreneurs.

Having grown up on both sides of the border, she mentors US and Latin American startups. She moves so fast, we suspect her blood type is caffeine but know that she is fueled by all things entrepreneurial on both sides of the border.

Regina can be contacted directly via email or visit her website.

The Science of BLISS…3 tips for making it come alive in your relationships

The February 1st Bliss Bits call was amazing… 

Would you agree that BLISS is a natural state of happiness?  Something we all want, right?

But why is it so hard to achieve?  What gets in the way of choosing BLISS?  I was delighted to have Dr. Debra Dupree dive deeper into the Science of Bliss to help us understand the physiology of our brain and shares three tips for making it come alive in your relationship.

Dr. Dupree has a PsyD in Psychology and is so knowledgeable about the science of how our brains work. If you are interested in learning how to improve all of your relationships, you have to listen to this replay!

Here is the link:  https://app.box.com/s/82pl7o5odf4suby9nn38rv2q5pcodc5r

Some of my favorite things Dr. Dupree talked about where:

1) The biological reasons we tend to be predisposed to feeling negative emotions rather than positive emotions. I’ve always known this is true, but now there is scientific evidence, which means we have more information on how to utilize that to achieve more bliss.

2) The biggest reason men and women respond differently in relationships has to do with how much oxytocin we have.

3) She gave 3 awesome tips on how to deal with conflicts that invariably happen in all relationships.

Let me share some more about Dr. D…

She developed her passion for helping people in tough situations from watching her dad crash and burn as a successful businessman to a lost soul…financially, emotionally, and legally.  She became fascinated with what makes people tick and what drives their behavior. To make sure she was on a solid foundation, she first became licensed as a mental health professional many years ago but stepped her knowledge and expertise by completing her doctorate degree in psychology in 2014. Today, Dr. D works with people to recover from the dramas and traumas in their pasts to discover happiness within…moving their relationships from troubled to cooperative, to live healthier and more authentic lives.

3 tips on how to get out of your rut and get unstuck

The Wealthy Wednesday Show is designed for Creative Women Entrepreneurs who choose to triumph in their business to have more money, more freedom and more joy while making an impact on the world. This show is hosted by the top influencer, community builder, sought after transformationalist, and Abundance Breakthrough Coach Luci McMonagle. Join us weekly at 5 pm pacific with expert guests who will empower and inspire you with timeless, practical, and spiritual wisdom for your success.

In spite of Dr. Debra Dupree’s extensive training in the psychology of human behavior, the bottom line is that we are all human and we make choices, right, wrong or indifferent, about what we do, how we do it and with whom we do it. FEAR kept me in a relationship for six years that was not healthy for me. So many life traumas happened in a short period of time in her life that she was clinging on what she once perceived to be a solid foundation, not realizing how the relationship was actually chipping away at her self-confidence and success. Once she really examined what kept her in the relationship versus having a vision for herself she was able to get out of her rut and start tapping into her greatness in the world. Join us for an incredible journey that will give you tips on how to get you out of your rut.

Get her free gift on line at http://relationships-at-work.com/ and join her for her FREE monthly calls! Sign up today!  To view the full show, click here.

Path to Profit Podcast for Creative Entrepreneurs: Leadership vs. Management

How to Fix Your People Problems

David Shriner-Cahn chats with Dr. D about how to fix your people problems. Leveraging her background in psychology and business, Debra helps people master their emotional intelligence, repair damaged relationships, and fulfill their career and life goals. Today she discusses how to build psychological safety in order to have better self-awareness and less conflict in the workplace. She also shows us how to stop taking things so personally, and reveals why business leaders need to move with change instead of rebelling against it.


Topics include:

  • How to build resiliency and flexibility around change
  • Recognizing other people’s perspectives
  • How to repair long-term relationships
  • The importance of self-reevaluating

Over the last 30+ years, Dr. Debra Dupree has been fascinated with what makes people tick…at work and at home.  She became a therapist, mediator, professor and doctor of psychology…and now she’s a public speaker and author. Debra helps people recover from the drama and trauma in their pasts, and helps them discover positive karma. She uncovers those emotional pains that get in the way of true success.  She helps her clients map out a plan for a whole new way of “being” for stronger performances and increased earnings. She helps turnaround what makes good people become bad bosses and what makes great employees fail.

Learn more about Debra at LinkedIn.  As she likes to say…REACH…Recognize your Energy and Act with Courage and Hope!  When the emotional pain is too great, it’s not too late to take action. Contact Dr. Debra now!

The Risky Business of Bad Bossing

debra-on-espn-8-31-16-with-buddy-greene-the-risky-business-of-bad-bossing

ESPN 1700 Radio Talk Show Host and Mortgage Lender Buddy Greene invites Dr. Debra Dupree live to talk about the Risky Business of Bad Bossing.  Find out how bad bossing has its roots in early attachment, the cost and impact of bad bossing on YOU, and the risky business for letting it go on!

Feeling unsafe triggers us emotionally. A whole chain of reactions happens physiologically, generating hormones and neurotransmitters that throw off our sense of cognitive and emotional balance…our sense of safety and security. So how can we create a sense of psychological safety…for ourselves and others…and why does it even matter? Why do we need to be fully aware of the perils of bad bossing?   Listen in and learn!

Dr. Debra regularly speaks to organizations like yours on “how to manage up” when you have a “bad boss” as well as what can be done to turn that “bad boss” around, particularly when the bad boss is YOU!

 

Compel Don’t Sell and The Risky Business of Bad Bossing

Listen in to ESPN Host Buddy Greene, your financial lender, as he has a conversation with Speaker and Television Host Shirlene Reeves and Speaker and Author Dr. Debra Dupree as they talk about travel,  Shirlene’s “Compel Don’t Sell” program, and Debra’s “Avoid the Risky Business of Bad Bossing” training and coaching services for more information on maximizing your earning potential by maximizing your emotional potential.

A great day with Buddy Greene, Shirlene Reeves & Debra Dupree

A great day with Buddy Greene, Shirlene Reeves & Debra Dupree

 

 

 

espn-radio

ESPN with Buddy Greene 8-31-16

E.Q. vs. I.Q. Six ways to build psychological safety

Feeling unsafe is an uncomfortable feeling.  In fact, it’s a risky business to be in.  It’s a direct threat to a sense of survival, automatically triggering a fight, flight or freeze response. This response is biologically innate and a characteristic of all animals.  Bad bossing makes us feel unsafe.

Feeling unsafe triggers us emotionally. A whole chain of reactions happens physiologically, generating hormones and neurotransmitters that throw off our sense of cognitive and emotional balance…our sense of safety and security. So how can we create a sense of psychological safety…for ourselves and others…and why does it even matter? Why do we need to be fully aware of the perils of bad bossing?  The answer lies in harnessing our physical and emotional reactions by building skills in emotional intelligence…when our emotional intelligence (E.Q.) trumps our intelligence quotient (I.Q.) and we learn how to “manage up.”

On June 15, 2016, 25 representatives from San Diego Association of Law Libraries (SANDALL) gathered at California Western School of Law (CWSL) to learn just how to do this.

Here’s what they gained over a fun-filled two and a half hours…

1) The Power of Connections: To generate awareness around what they’re good at and not so good at when it comes to managing emotions, how they’re impacted by others emotions, and what kinds of emotions come up, participants engaged in groups of three to start talking about the impact of bad bossing.  The atmosphere of the lecture hall changed in just 9 minutes!

2) The Tip of the Iceberg: We only see the tip of the iceberg above the water line, right? But there’s so much more below the water line that we can’t see…just like the titanic. When it comes to people, I.Q. and E.Q. are much like the iceberg. The tip is our I.Q. (only 20% of who we are). What’s below the water line is where our E.Q. lives…that deeper part of ourselves represented by our beliefs, expectations, assumptions or attitudes, concerns and hopes as well as our fears, values and needs. We often don’t go there because we either don’t have the skills to successfully handle those kinds of conversations OR we are simply afraid to go there, fearful of what we might uncover. Bad bosses definitely don’t go there.  But through E.Q. we can build our awareness of self, learn how to manage what surfaces, become aware of how others are impacted, and then become skilled in how we manage our important relationships.  Including those where we have to “manage up” to feel safe.

3) The TRIUNE Brain Theory: SANDALL also got a taste of Neuroscience 101 – just enough to show how ALL humans are hardwired for emotional reaction BEFORE cognitive understanding or making sense of things. They also learned my prescription for deep breathing as a sure fire technique for self-management. We all breathe, right? But seldom do we breathe really deeply in a way that helps manage the emotional reaction, especially when we’re triggered.  This can be your best defense when dealing with a bad boss.

4) The Emotional Hijack: It feels like we’re hijacked from all logical, rationale responses when we’re triggered. The emotional volcano erupts and we become overwhelmed with emotion.  FEAR, ANGER, SHAME or JOY…too often, it’s not the latter! The intensity of this hijack is directly related, and sometimes not, to the significance of the trigger. Are we puzzled or are we terrified? Are we disappointed or are we in deep despair? Are we feeling disrespected or are we furious? And, are we feeling friendly or are we ecstatic? The SANDALL folks had a chance to be exposed to some 90 different emotions to uncover those most common in their lives.  A laundry list of what we feel around bad bosses was almost as long.

5) Two Minutes of Passion: This was fun…in just two short minutes, people had a chance to uncover their passions and express themselves. This was hard for some and a breeze for others. People couldn’t believe how difficult it was to either speak for two minutes uninterrupted and to listen for two minutes without interrupting. This was a good opportunity to learn more about how we speak and how we listen (or not!). They also learned how to read body language, particularly facial expressions, and to listen for tone, volume and inflection.  This is a part of empathy and they learned how to use it with a bad boss.

6) Action Plan: As we wrapped up our two hours of fun and learning, I challenged them to identify one key takeaway as well as to write down what they were going to STOP doing as a result of what they learned, what they were going to START doing based on what they learned, and what they were going to CONTINUE to do because it was working.  Ideas were generated on what first steps to take around their bad bosses.

At the end of the day, here’s what SANDALL participants had to say…

  • Dr. Dupree has a wonderful delivery, great presence and knows how to generate an open, enthusiastic environment. The information and delivery were fantastic.  J. Andrade, California Western School of Law.
  • This was a very informative and intriguing workshop. It was also a lot of fun!  K. Thomas, California Western School of Law.
  • Dr. Dupree was both knowledgeable and an engaging speaker.  Her class interactive exercises were fun and interesting.  C. Valero, California Western School of Law

If you’re looking for ways to break free from an emotional past, here are three ways to do it now!  Debra Dupree, PsyD, LMFT has over 30 years of experience in the psychology of people and performance.

1) Connect through her website, her newsletter, and her webinars. 

2) Contact her to schedule her 5:1:10 training and coaching program for managers and leaders

3) Get involved in her “3 for 1” coaching program. 

The Real Cost of Workplace Conflict: What Employers Need to Know!

Gallup’s 2008 study entitled “State of the American Workplace” and another by the Consulting Psychologist Press on “Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It To Thrive” revealed some startling facts that caused American businesses to stand up and take notice.   Here are the top five reasons for workplace conflict…

  1. personality clashes – 49%
  2. stress – 34%
  3. workload – 33%
  4. poor leadership – 29%
  5. lack of honesty – 26%

    And, here are a few more alarming stats:

  • 25 percent of employees said that avoiding conflict led to sickness or absence from work.
  • Nearly 10 percent reported that workplace conflict led to project failure.
  • More than one-third said that conflict resulted in someone leaving the company, either through firing or quitting.
  • Replacing an employee costs 150 to 200 percent more than that employee’s salary and benefits. Losing even a mid-level employee making $30,000 a year could cost your company $70,000 or more to replace.

    Oftentimes, conflicts between people are less overt, such as subtle forms of harassment or bullying. “Subtle harassment and bullying is a systems problem often supported unknowingly by management” which is in direct conflict with California laws AB 1825 and AB 2053!

So, what can be done about it?

  • Hire SMART to avoid conflict. Ask good questions to identify the “one person who causes conflict” BEFORE hiring.
  • Take a look at your organization’s culture. How might it actually encourage conflict by how it’s set up and who is leading. This is the first step towards fixing it.
  • Change is possible if senior leadership is absolutely committed to making changes.
  • Real conversations about the desired cultural norms are a MUST and steps implemented on how to embrace people’s differences.

These types of conversations take time, energy and effort–but compared to the real costs of workplace conflict, finding healthy resolutions is a both-gain situation for everyone.

Consulting Psychology Press, Inc. (2008) found that U.S. employees spend 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict. While this amount of time might not seem like much, the cost of this lost time is staggering!  Based on an average hourly wage of $17.95, this amounts to $359 billion in paid hours, or the equivalent of 385 million working days, across the nation.  Simply speaking, this is $50.96 per week per employee, or $2,613.20 per year.  Again, this may not sound like much but if you have ten employees in your organization embroiled in conflict, this is costing you $26,132.00 per year. And, if left untouched, this increases to $130,676 over a five year period.  I don’t know about you but $100K+ is a lot of money to lose in an organization with nothing productive to show for it.

You might say, 2.8 hours…so what?  Well, this is time not spent doing the job employees were hired to do.  Instead, it is time gossiping, protecting turf, retaliating, getting people to take sides, planning defenses, navigating around the drama and taking up time from management.   Talk about a management nightmare!  Is this how you want to live your work life?

So, what can employers do?  Time and time again, five key factors emerge:

  • We can no longer afford to ignore personality clashes…it is just too costly.  A  quick workplace climate study is the best place to start.
  • Work on building a workplace culture where each and every employee, at EVERY level, is held accountable for addressing conflict at the earliest level possible. This means teaching them effective communication and conflict management skills.
  • Look at differences in communication and conflict management styles, particularly at the leadership levels. Teach people to deal with generational and cultural differences, values and approaches to communication. Educate people around gender differences (yes, men and women DO communicate differently).
  • Hire the right managers! Too often, people get promoted based on technical skills or rewards in their career path, not for their people management skills.  These types of managers unintentionally become our “bad bosses”  who erode morale, create legal risks, and cause good employees to leave good organizations.
  • Invest in leadership management for developing effective people management skills.  AND, hold managers accountable for a motivated and efficient workforce is the best way for making miserable employees not so miserable. Transform bad bosses into good bosses by equipping them with the skills to lead employees in ways that increase retention, revenues and rewards for the company.  Developing action plans that involve training, coaching and follow-up ensures that managers achieve this while turning around profitability.

About the author:  This article was first published in April 2014 at www.relationships-at-work.com  by Dr. Debra Dupree, Workplace Psychologist and Mediator.  Dr. Deb’s 2014 doctoral dissertation addressed the Psychology of Good Bosses vs. Bad Bosses, what leads to bad bossing, the impact on employees, and what can be done about it.  As this article suggests, the disruption of workplace conflict is significant and the potential to give rise to harassment in the workplace and abusive conduct is real.  We revisit this issue as we are in a year of compliance for manager and supervisor training required by two California laws, AB 1825 (2004) and AB 2053 (2014), for employers with 50 or more employees.  Take action now and contact Dr. Dupree at 1-800-743-1973 or dr.dupree@relationships-at-work.com to be in compliance and stop bad behavior from ruining your organization!