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UNCOVERED! Choosing BLISS to Manage Workplace Conflicts

We all deal with conflicts, right?  What would it be like if you knew how to handle them right the first time…every time?

Best-selling author, Moneeka Sawyer, shared her 5-step process for choosing BLISS when dealing with conflicts in the workplace.  We talked about how to “STOP” so you can “be in the moment” to tune into the experience of what you’re feeling…physically and emotionally! And, “BREATHE” so you can “think through the moment.” This helps you choose a course of action that “constructively” manages the moment instead “destructively” escalating the conflict.

What is that emotion that comes up?  Are you feeling FEAR, ANGER, GUILT or HAPPINESS?  These four core emotions are what drives all thinking and behavior.  When we feel any one of the first three, we experience a lack of “psychological safety.”  And, when we feel unsafe, our “drive to survive” kicks in and we react with an instinctual reaction of fight, flight or freeze!  This is where we tend to say things that are hurtful, harmful and damaging…things we can’t take back!

When we pay attention to what we physically feel, we can use those signs to STOP, be in the moment, and BREATHE our way to a calmer course of action.  What would it be like if you could CHOOSE a calmer, peaceful way to conflicts?

Join us to UNCOVER tips and insights on how to handle those difficult people and difficult situations at work…and at home!  And, live a life of BLISS!

 

Compel Don’t Sell and The Risky Business of Bad Bossing

Listen in to ESPN Host Buddy Greene, your financial lender, as he has a conversation with Speaker and Television Host Shirlene Reeves and Speaker and Author Dr. Debra Dupree as they talk about travel,  Shirlene’s “Compel Don’t Sell” program, and Debra’s “Avoid the Risky Business of Bad Bossing” training and coaching services for more information on maximizing your earning potential by maximizing your emotional potential.

A great day with Buddy Greene, Shirlene Reeves & Debra Dupree

A great day with Buddy Greene, Shirlene Reeves & Debra Dupree

 

 

 

espn-radio

ESPN with Buddy Greene 8-31-16

E.Q. vs. I.Q. Six ways to build psychological safety

Feeling unsafe is an uncomfortable feeling.  In fact, it’s a risky business to be in.  It’s a direct threat to a sense of survival, automatically triggering a fight, flight or freeze response. This response is biologically innate and a characteristic of all animals.  Bad bossing makes us feel unsafe.

Feeling unsafe triggers us emotionally. A whole chain of reactions happens physiologically, generating hormones and neurotransmitters that throw off our sense of cognitive and emotional balance…our sense of safety and security. So how can we create a sense of psychological safety…for ourselves and others…and why does it even matter? Why do we need to be fully aware of the perils of bad bossing?  The answer lies in harnessing our physical and emotional reactions by building skills in emotional intelligence…when our emotional intelligence (E.Q.) trumps our intelligence quotient (I.Q.) and we learn how to “manage up.”

On June 15, 2016, 25 representatives from San Diego Association of Law Libraries (SANDALL) gathered at California Western School of Law (CWSL) to learn just how to do this.

Here’s what they gained over a fun-filled two and a half hours…

1) The Power of Connections: To generate awareness around what they’re good at and not so good at when it comes to managing emotions, how they’re impacted by others emotions, and what kinds of emotions come up, participants engaged in groups of three to start talking about the impact of bad bossing.  The atmosphere of the lecture hall changed in just 9 minutes!

2) The Tip of the Iceberg: We only see the tip of the iceberg above the water line, right? But there’s so much more below the water line that we can’t see…just like the titanic. When it comes to people, I.Q. and E.Q. are much like the iceberg. The tip is our I.Q. (only 20% of who we are). What’s below the water line is where our E.Q. lives…that deeper part of ourselves represented by our beliefs, expectations, assumptions or attitudes, concerns and hopes as well as our fears, values and needs. We often don’t go there because we either don’t have the skills to successfully handle those kinds of conversations OR we are simply afraid to go there, fearful of what we might uncover. Bad bosses definitely don’t go there.  But through E.Q. we can build our awareness of self, learn how to manage what surfaces, become aware of how others are impacted, and then become skilled in how we manage our important relationships.  Including those where we have to “manage up” to feel safe.

3) The TRIUNE Brain Theory: SANDALL also got a taste of Neuroscience 101 – just enough to show how ALL humans are hardwired for emotional reaction BEFORE cognitive understanding or making sense of things. They also learned my prescription for deep breathing as a sure fire technique for self-management. We all breathe, right? But seldom do we breathe really deeply in a way that helps manage the emotional reaction, especially when we’re triggered.  This can be your best defense when dealing with a bad boss.

4) The Emotional Hijack: It feels like we’re hijacked from all logical, rationale responses when we’re triggered. The emotional volcano erupts and we become overwhelmed with emotion.  FEAR, ANGER, SHAME or JOY…too often, it’s not the latter! The intensity of this hijack is directly related, and sometimes not, to the significance of the trigger. Are we puzzled or are we terrified? Are we disappointed or are we in deep despair? Are we feeling disrespected or are we furious? And, are we feeling friendly or are we ecstatic? The SANDALL folks had a chance to be exposed to some 90 different emotions to uncover those most common in their lives.  A laundry list of what we feel around bad bosses was almost as long.

5) Two Minutes of Passion: This was fun…in just two short minutes, people had a chance to uncover their passions and express themselves. This was hard for some and a breeze for others. People couldn’t believe how difficult it was to either speak for two minutes uninterrupted and to listen for two minutes without interrupting. This was a good opportunity to learn more about how we speak and how we listen (or not!). They also learned how to read body language, particularly facial expressions, and to listen for tone, volume and inflection.  This is a part of empathy and they learned how to use it with a bad boss.

6) Action Plan: As we wrapped up our two hours of fun and learning, I challenged them to identify one key takeaway as well as to write down what they were going to STOP doing as a result of what they learned, what they were going to START doing based on what they learned, and what they were going to CONTINUE to do because it was working.  Ideas were generated on what first steps to take around their bad bosses.

At the end of the day, here’s what SANDALL participants had to say…

  • Dr. Dupree has a wonderful delivery, great presence and knows how to generate an open, enthusiastic environment. The information and delivery were fantastic.  J. Andrade, California Western School of Law.
  • This was a very informative and intriguing workshop. It was also a lot of fun!  K. Thomas, California Western School of Law.
  • Dr. Dupree was both knowledgeable and an engaging speaker.  Her class interactive exercises were fun and interesting.  C. Valero, California Western School of Law

If you’re looking for ways to break free from an emotional past, here are three ways to do it now!  Debra Dupree, PsyD, LMFT has over 30 years of experience in the psychology of people and performance.

1) Connect through her website, her newsletter, and her webinars. 

2) Contact her to schedule her 5:1:10 training and coaching program for managers and leaders

3) Get involved in her “3 for 1” coaching program. 

The Power of Connections: Emotional Intelligence at Work

Check Out Dr. Dupree’s interview with Michelle Bergquist of Connected Women of Influence on Business Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Women Lead Radio.

 

ESPN “Inside the Law” Radio Interview with Dr. Debra Dupree & CDFA Jo-Ann Little

On Tuesday, July 2, at 2:00 pm “Inside The Law” on ESPN 1700 AM interviewed JoAnn C Little of Triad Divorce Mediation along with Dr. Debra Dupree. They discussed how Triad Divorce Mediation was different from traditional methods of divorce and how important the psychological and social aspects of the brain affect negotiations within the context of divorce. It was an informative and inspiring interview.

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Four Ways to Lead by Example

Do you have a clear sense of direction and purpose that inspires and energizes you?  If not, you are most likely setting an unintentional tone for the day and influencing those around you…your mood and attitude are contagious and ripple through the organization.

How different your life becomes when you establish your purpose and use it as a framework for planning, setting goals and examining tasks and behaviors – when you become and do what matters most.  It involves the total person to discover total purpose. Where are you in your leadership journey?

These kinds of questions are what challenged the founder and owner of a company called Gravity Payments, Inc. in Washington State when he read a study on income and happiness.  Owner Dan Price made a startling discovery when he learned that people who make $70,000 per year are generally happier than those above and below that threshold.  Happier employees stay longer and are more productive, generating increased profitability.  What’s he doing now?  Considering the average salary at Gravity Payments was $48,000 per year with knowledge that many employees were struggling, he’s diving fully into that concept.  He’s started by slashing his own salary from nearly $1 million per year to $70,000 per year along with investing 75-80% of the company’s anticipated $2.2 million in profits to make this happen over the next three years to help employees reach that level of income and happiness.  He’s making a difference in the culture of his organization not to mention the lives of his people.

In The Economist, management guru Warren Bennis offered some great insights about leadership.  Bennis lists four competencies that leaders need to develop to lead effectively and profitably; you can see that Dan Price operated from this set of four principles:

First, leaders articulate a clear and compelling vision, that provides people with a bridge to the future.  They are visionary and capable of communicating that common vision to give people purpose and meaning.  It outlines the priorities and direction of the group.   In Price’s situation, he saw the need to help reduce the daily stressors and help people feel valued.

The happiness research behind Price’s decision is based on the work from Angus Deaton and Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize-winning psychologist.  Emotional well-being — defined as “the emotional quality of an individual’s everyday experience, the frequency and intensity of experiences of joy, stress, sadness, anger, and affection that make one’s life pleasant or unpleasant” — rises with income, but only to a point.  As a leader, what you are doing to make a difference in the people who follow you?  It may not necessarily be money, but you CAN do things differently to enrich the lives of those around you.

Second, they act confidently and optimistically, giving meaning to that vision through communication.  The leader’s confidence, conviction and optimism is contagious; it rubs off on the followers.  A good leader is the lifeblood of any organization.

Price’s decision clearly sets a new tone for his organization and invigorates each and every employee at every level.

Third, they express confidence in their followers.  Great leaders have high confidence in people and make them feel good about themselves.  They foster confidence and optimism.   Building trust is key, “trust is the lubrication that makes it possible for organizations to work.”  In Price’s case, his act of taking his own income and the profits of his company instills a sense of confidence in his people that his actions will yield a big return to the benefit of all concerned.  When there is clear direction and enthusiasm, your team knows where it’s headed, understands what’s expected and gets the job done when they feel valued.  It’s a “both-gain” outcome in the end.

Lastly, they lead by example.   As a leader, all eyes are on you, whether or not you know it.  Regardless of how your employees truly feel about you, they still look to you as a role model.  Do your actions match your words?  Do you do what you say you are going to do?  Can they “trust” what you will say and do next?  Consistency and predictability are key to building trust.  Price’s actions are all about leading by example to instill trust in the people who work for him.

There’s a big difference between managing and leading.  A manager and a leader are two completely different roles, although we often use the terms interchangeably.  Managers get things done…leaders know how to get things done to move the business forward, to develop, and to nurture growth.  Another way of saying this is that managers do things right while leaders do the right thing!

One must learn to wear different hats when dealing with different circumstances and with different personalities as well as look at things from different perspectives.  Flexibility is key for a leader to lead effectively.  What’s important is that a leader knows how to tap the potential of their employees and knows how to customize the approach to help them become a better person in the end.

Unfortunately, too many executives don’t understand the difference and don’t work hard enough on building these leadership skills to invigorate and value people.  You can “manage” dozens of people, but you can “lead” millions.

In Daniel Goleman’s Leadership That Gets Resultsa landmark 2000 Harvard Business Review study, he and his team engaged 3,000 middle-level managers over a three-year period.   The research discovered that a manager’s leadership style was responsible for 30% of the company’s bottom-line profitability! Imagine how much money and effort a company spends on new processes, efficiencies, and cost-cutting methods in an effort to add even one percent to bottom-line profitability.  Compare that to efforts that simply inspire managers to be more kinetic with their leadership styles.  When we look at the cost of investment, it becomes a “no-brainer.”  Again, Price saw the answer in his company’s future growth through the value of investing in his people.

No matter what you’ve already achieved, no matter where you are in the organization, no matter what your leadership goals may be, you can profit from learning more about leadership excellence, your emotional intelligence, and leading by example.  Just like all of us know how to breathe, few of us do it really effectively.  Is this what happens to your leadership?  Do you realize how much you are setting the tone and leading by example that yield behaviors from employees that erode the bottom-line?  Invest now in YOU through leadership development services.

About the author:

Dr. Debra Dupree combines her workplace and family background by helping business professionals look at the cost of conflict, designing systems and solutions to strengthen performance and increase profitability.  Her experience is built upon many years of service as a Workplace Mediator/Consultant and today she specializes in business mediation and leadership services.

Email:  dr.dupree@relationships-at-work.com
Phone:  1-800-743-1973                    TWITTER:  @RTMcoach
Linked In:  www.linkedin/in/debradupreerelationshipcoach

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE WEBINAR:

The Dayton Chapter of Women of Teradata recently sponsored a webinar on Emotional Intelligence by Dr. Debra Dupree, Relationships at Work, Inc. on April 8, 2015.

This program was designed to educate and enhance awareness of participants on how to build Emotional Intelligence at home and at work.  We looked at the neuroscience behind behavior and how to manage emotions when working under pressure.  The relationship to managing multiple projects and meeting deadlines was explored so that participants know how to deliver their best, even in chaotic times.

What do we gain when we do this?  In the workplace, we can better manage relationships, become more adept in our social interactions, and know how we impact others with our emotions.  This leads to better performance, profitability and genuine happiness!

For those were unable to attend, or would like to listen to the presentation, here is a link to the recording and a PDF of the slides.  For a PDF of additional resources provided by Dr. D. following the web seminar, click here to contact her for more information.

Archived Webex (streaming recorded link, 58 minutes)